Chapter 1: THAT Day

Ten months ago, I’m sitting at my desk at work thinking, “Damn, my boobs hurt.”  So obviously, I needed to get home and rip that bra off.  Except, I got home, took my bra off and my boobs still hurt.  Hmmm… “Stress,” I thought.  One whole week later and I could barely stand under the freaking shower stream without feeling like there was someone hitting me with buckshot.  Another week later I get an app notification on my cell phone… “Did you forget to input your period this week?”

Oh damn… I guess I did… But not because I forgot.  Because that shit DID NOT COME.  Instant “freak my shit” mode kicks in and I ask my boss if I can take a longer lunch than usual.  Guess I’m going to CVS to buy an unnecessarily overpriced pregnancy test – you know, because rich people get better results.  I get to CVS and my heart is about to jump right out of my uniform top.  I had no idea I could have so many thoughts while walking through the pharmacy.  What if I AM pregnant… Would I even be a good mom?  What if it’s negative?  Will I be disappointed?  Is Cedrik ready for a baby? How will I look in uniform?  Will I be cute pregnant? Seriously….  I get to the counter and the dude is looking at me like “Mmm hmm I know what you did…”.  So I paid my $30 and snatched it out of his hand and got the hell out of there.

They say don’t text and drive, but there should really be a “don’t stare at your pregnancy test and drive” disclaimer because that is exactly what I did on the way back to work.  I asked for a long lunch but who was I kidding, there was no way I was going to eat anything!  Not now! As I’m approaching the gate I feel like everyone in the world knows that I’m about to pee on a stick.  I hid my pregnancy test in between the seats as if I was concealing a weapon.  I pulled out my ID and gave it to the MP and I felt like I was smuggling explosives.  “Have a good day, Sergeant,” he said. Whew….. As if I just got away with something.

As I got closer to my building I could feel my face getting red and my heart was slamming the inside of my chest at this point.  “How am I going to sneak this test in?” CARGO POCKETS! I took the test out of the bag and I opened the box and shoved the 3 tests into my cargo pocket.  Smooth.

The longest walk of my life was to the bathroom that day.  I had tunnel vision and all I could see was the toilet.  That’s where I was headed trying to look calm and dying a little on the inside at the same.

“Hey did you eat already?”  My boss.

I must have looked like a deer in headlights. “Umm yes… no… I… I’ll meet you in the break room.”  *facepalm*   Finally, I reach the bathroom.  It is completely empty.  Now it is just me and my 3 pregnancy tests…… because you already know I used all 3.

PREGNANT. PREGNANT. PREGNANT.

How the hell was I supposed to sit in the break room with my boss, eating lunch and pretending like all that didn’t just happen.  Now I had a new set of issues I was working with. Should I tell her what just happened?  Should I tell anyone before Cedrik?  Should I tell anyone PERIOD?  While I was working through these questions inside my head, I realized she had been talking to me the whole time and I had no idea what she said.  Finally she asks, “Are you ok?”  I finally just pulled out my phone and showed her a picture of the pregnancy test. “HOLY SHIT.”  Exactly…

She let me go after lunch to “sort things out”.  I called a doctor to make an appointment and I did what every woman does when she just found out life changing news…. I went to Target.  As I walked around with a stupid grin on my face, I looked up at the different sections.

“BABY”

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I’m going to the baby section so everyone can see I’m in the baby section and so everyone can know…. EVERYONE MUST KNOW. Calm down.  I was in search of a cute onesie and found one immediately that said “I get my good looks from my dad.” Two dollars for a onesie? Baby clothes are cheap! (I figured out later they are so cheap because you can’t stop buying them and Target knows that).

I drove to Cedrik’s work on the other side of town. “Don’t stare at your pregnancy test and drive.”  I walk into his office with a Target bag and he’s all, “Oh hey you brought me some food.”

I brought you SOMETHING that’s for sure.

Heart still pounding, I told him to close his eyes.  Obviously he looked at me like “I don’t have time for this shit, just give me what’s in the bag.”  He finally closed his eyes and I laid out the onesie and the pregnancy test on his desk.  And now that I think about it, I put a stick with my pee on it on my husband’s work desk. Cool, Leilani.  He opened his eyes and said “WHAT?!” And one tear formed in his eye.  Just one.  It didn’t even roll out.  Either way, I saw that damn tear and he can’t deny it.

We still needed a full on confirmation so three weeks later we are at the doctor’s office.  EIGHT WEEKS PREGNANT.  Hmmm… That would have been right around the time the Patriots won the Super Bowl (Go Pats).

Cedrik and I were too excited about our journey ahead.